Unraveling Blocks to Your Sexual Energy
Social and familial conditioning, negative experiences, and trauma- both traumatic events and the accumulation of low grade trauma ( Big T trauma and little T trauma, respectively) can all manifest as sexual problems and blocks to intimacy, affecting our capacity for intimacy and authentic expression.
These blocks often have a somatic impact, leaving an imprint in our bodies that restrict our natural flow of energy or wellness in different aspects of our lives. While trauma was once thought to be solely stored in the mind, modern psychology and ancient Eastern philosophies recognise the interconnectedness of body and mind.
Understanding the impact of all kinds of trauma on our sexuality is crucial
Trauma and negative experiences imprint themselves in our bodies, affecting our expression of our sexuality and our sexual energy. Attending to these imprints are now seen in psychology as a vital part of true healing. This, of course, has long been recognised in ancient systems of thought.
In Eastern philosophies, sexual energy is referred to as Shakti, Jing in Traditional Chinese Medicine, and Eros in Ancient Western culture. For truly thriving sexual energy, we must address these blocks, which essentially consist of neuronal patterns or pathways in our brains which we default into. Think of these patterns as habituated responses, such as negative thoughts, limiting beliefs, and physical reactions. By addressing and transforming these patterns, we can ensure a free flow of energy throughout our body and mind (bodymind). Energy is not an esoteric idea, it is very real and measurable.
For an optimum and thriving intimate life, our bodymind needs to have free flowing energy
A thriving sexuality is free of the somatic blocks that restrict us and the wired habits that bind us. This is a return to authentic sexual expression.
Here's how trauma and negative experiences might manifest somatically:
Muscle Tension and Body Memory: Trauma often leads to chronic muscle tension and pain. This tension can result in significant discomfort, and affect sexual function.
The body "remembers" the trauma through muscle memory, and this can manifest as ongoing physical discomfort or pain. I recognise this frequently within the pelvic floor muscles of all genders, but especially in female bodies which tend to present with internal tension- habitually stressed vaginal muscles.
It can cause significant distress, pain, inability to have penetrative sex, and turn into chronic lack of desire. As a pelvic floor expert through my trainings in yoga, as well as in-depth studies in pelvic de-armouring, I have many gentle practices for clients to do to address their pelvic pain and reduce or heal their pain during sex.
Not only explicit sexual trauma, but simply having many experiences of penetrative sex when the body is NOT aroused and ready ( a very common occurrence for women) can create this kind of somatic imprint.
Fight, Flight, or Freeze Response: Stuck trauma and the stress of holding onto unresolved experiences can trigger physiological responses like increased heart rate and muscle tension.
When a person experiences trauma, their body often goes into a heightened state of arousal, activating the sympathetic nervous system. This can lead to physiological changes such as increased heart rate, muscle tension, and shallow breathing.
If the trauma response is not fully processed and discharged, these physical sensations can become locked in the body, which shows up as many kinds of sexual problems.
I see this freeze response at play in clients who shut down when attempting to be intimate with their partner. The freeze response is an ‘I can’t do this’ message from the body.
Premature ejaculation can be seen as a flight response in some male bodies, the body wanting to get sex over with as quickly as possible due to triggers or uncomfortable associations such as guilt or shame. Erection issues can also be a physical manifestation of shame, embarrassment, fear and anxiety or of lack of emotional availability in many men. This can be a flight response, an ‘I can escape this’ kind of signal from the system.
A defensive style of relating, so common in many couples, is just one example of the fight response in the system. The fight response is an adrenaline fueled, defensive ‘I can’ signal from the body.
Dissociation: In response to overwhelming trauma, some individuals may dissociate, which involves a disconnection from their physical sensations and emotions. This can lead to a disconnect between the mind and body, making it difficult to process and release the somatic aspects of the trauma.
Hypervigilance: Trauma survivors may experience constant hypervigilance, leading to chronic stress, exhaustion, and with direct effects to physical health and wellbeing. This too can manifest as chronic pelvic floor stress in all genders, impacting the depth and range of sexual pleasure and intimacy.
Hypervigilance can show up as unconsciously scanning the room for threats, as a result of family violence in childhood or a perceived threat from a parent, to being on the defensive in relationship, never quite feeling safe.
I see this in many clients manifesting as needing control, over work, over training, and being busy all the time, an inability to surrender into just being.... never making time for pleasure.
Emotional Expression: Difficulty expressing emotions verbally may lead to somatic manifestations of emotions. Understanding these bodily reactions is essential for somatic healing work.
The body may present with chronic tension in the jaw or shoulders, other painful areas, trembling, breathlessness or shallow breathing, sensations of heat or cold, and deeply stored feelings of wanting to run away, shrinking, attack, lash out, etc.
Uncovering these patterns in the body is very liberating; what is being felt and what it may mean, what these ‘parts’ of you that have so much sensation actually represent in your system.
This is a big part of somatic healing work, inner child and shadow work. These sensations all have their own neural pathways and can be rewired to be less reactive with practice and patience.
Triggers: Certain sensory experiences can trigger somatic responses related to past trauma, affecting intimacy and relationship dynamics. This is very pertinent to sexual shutdown.
However, this doesn’t only relate to intense trauma. For example, a client may shutdown in intimacy when they feel like their needs are not being met, if feeling pressured or that they are being rushed, or that they need to be or look a certain way.
I help people get to know their foundational needs, and that of their partner as well in couples coaching. We then establish boundaries which protect these foundations. Communication styles are addressed, and practice ways to address triggers and habituated responses, especially in conflict.
Blocked Energy: Blocked energy can manifest as an inability to orgasm, feel pleasure, or attract suitable partners. Various modalities such as breath-work, movement-based meditation, and somatic release techniques can help address these blocks and restore the flow of sexual energy.
In fact all the the points above are actually symptoms of blockage in the flow of energy. From thought processes going down well worn neuronal pathways due to conditioning ( such as with religious shaming of sexuality, guilt etc), habituated patterns ( only being able to orgasm in one way, needing porn to get aroused, choosing the same kind of partner in a trauma bond), to not feeling desire, or having trouble with feeling arousal- all these would be seen in terms of energy not flowing smoothly in the system.
It's all just different ways at looking at the same issues: sexual problems and your blocks to intimacy
Somatic-based Intimacy Coaching for sexual problems and blocks to intimacy
I incorporate modalities like somatic inquiry, nervous system balancing, breath-work, and targeted meditation to help clients reconnect with their physical sensations and liberate their true sexual nature.
While I do not work with severe, unprocessed trauma, I assist individuals in releasing and integrating somatically imprinted or residual trauma, showing up as sexual problems and blocks to intimacy, to enhance their experience of sex, love, and intimate relationships.
This usually means my clients have undergone some talk therapy or work around their past, or feel that the experiences they had no longer have control over their daily life relating.
If you're ready to thrive, both in your body and in your intimate relationship, schedule a free initial conversation to explore how I can support you on your journey.
https://HeidiTrue-Schedule-link.as.me/InitialCall