Sounding during Sex and Self Pleasure
Why would we want to make more sounds during sex?
Learning how to liberate your voice can be a powerful practice to having more intense sexual experiences, to finding your authentic sexual self and even to release stuck energy lodged in the very physical tissues of the body- this is for all bodies and genitals, women, men and everyone else.
Making sounds during sex is a very direct way to communicate with your lover what is working for you, and what is not, a kind of pre-verbal expression that doesn’t require cognitive function. These sounds come from a deeper more primal place in our brain. In an altered state of high arousal, words may take you out of the experience, whilst sounding can bring you deeper into it.
Authentic sex noises are a natural turn on, and can enhance your love making for you and your partner as well as your self pleasure practices. Inauthentic sounds are much less arousing, and most people can make the distinction. Animal noises can be particularly erotic if they arise naturally- be present and become aware of what you are holding back for whatever reason. This can manifest as a feeling in the throat or chest- a feeling that something wants to be let out. Our near cousins, the Great Apes make a lot of noise in sex, copulation calls which are a vital part of their connection and promote their reproductive success.
Female apes make noise during sex to essentially brag about who they are having sex with ;)with the more desirable male partners getting the louder responses.
Making sounds during sex in times of peak arousal and pleasure can help you access repressed sounds, stored emotions and even words that have been held by our nervous systems- trapped in our throats, so to speak. These repressed or silenced sounds may have been shut down in some way – perhaps you felt something was inappropriate, or you we’re not not allowed to speak, forced to be quiet or forcibly made silent.
Anything repressed will burden us, so uncovering and liberating them is a powerful way of shifting energy in the body, something that can be quite palpable. Liberated energy feels expansive, like tingles, buzzing, pulsing in the body or something similar and is a clear sign you’ve moved something that was blocking you at the level of the nervous system.
Doulas and midwifes will tell you that there is a direct connection between the pelvic floor and the throat, that when the mouth and jaw is tight the birth canal can not open, the cervix may stall, and the muscles can not release. In a similar way making sounds during sexual practices allows more blood flow to the genitals, helps the pelvic floor relax, brings more focus on sensation, and the sense that you are expressing yourself from the level off your pelvis, rather than your cognitive mind. Deep noises from the throat are particularly effective.
However many, if not most of us, have been conditioned to make little to no sound during sex- this may stem from having to keep our sexual exploration private when discovering ourselves in our teen years, or just the taboo about having sex when there are people around that can hear you. This varies across cultures and situations and it’s worth noting that it wasn’t always this way.
Imagine if having to be quiet about our pleasure wasn’t a thing, and our pleasure was celebrated without judgement!
If you find it daunting to makes sounds the following tips might help
- practice first with your own self pleasure
- open up your throat with some growling or deep humming, let your jaw be loose, waggle your tongue out. Inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth with a relaxed jaw and maybe let the tongue out.
- start with breathiness- sigh on the exhale, as you get more comfortable add some resonance to your voice. Breath enhances pleasure so this way can feel natural and intuitive.
- in partnered sex, tell your partner before hand that you are going to try this and see how it goes. Remembering levity and laughter in sex can be a lovely thing.
- try matching your partner’s noises in your own tone and pitch- but tell them first so they don’t feel you are making fun- this can be so hot!
- if you are worried about the noise and someone hearing who may be upset or confused, make the sounds in your throat without adding the volume. You can actually make a full, open throated noise without volume. Practice making an imperceptible yell right now, it’s possible, yet still feels like you’ve expressed yourself as your nervous system recognises the muscles you have enlisted
- experiment with sounding into a pillow, the mattress, perhaps a partners hand over your mouth if that’s something that feels good to you ( if it doesn’t feel good that’s so ok, now you know one of your boundaries, well done!)
Don’t confuse making sounds with orgasm. Women fake orgasm for so many reasons ( maybe that’s a good topic for another newsletter) and sound making is enlisted used for this. Other women will quiet right down if they know that their partner will get too aroused and finish before she is ready ( this is something for men to work on! “She Comes First” is a great book to read ). By sounding in this context I am talking about sounding what is going on for you, naturally- not thinking about what your partner wants to hear. (So I am not talking about the noises you may hear in porn). It’s as if your genitals have a voice, which they do- they just need to borrow your vocal cords and mouth to express it.
It’s important to point out that natural authentic sounds are not just pretty sounds, peak pleasure can bring mad noises out, gagging, spitting, screeching, hissing with sensations of disgust, repulsion, shame, anger, frustration, release. This is a powerful way of releasing trauma during pleasure ( so good for the nervous system) that doesn’t need the thinking brain to be involved- things can be shifted without your clear insight into what they are and often times you don’t need to know what the fuck that crazy noise was all about.
Likewise, cackling laughter, uncontrollable giggles and nose snorting are authentic sounds that come out in sex too. Go with it, feel into it and notice how they make you feel, during and after.
Altogether, sounding can make for real connected communicate sex where you both feel like you’ve gone somewhere else and accessed something deeper and more primal and altogether next level.
And if you find this all beyond you right now, or it brings up feelings of shame or disgust, this is one of the many aspects of sexuality that can be worked on in my coaching containers.
I have a free initial conversation if you’d like to find out more about working with me, whether around sounding, empowering your authentic sexual nature, enhancing your pleasure potential, understanding your partner’s sexual response, being a confident and amazing lover, learning how to connect emotionally with your partner or anything else that you need guidance towards thriving in your sex, love and relationships…
The link to book is:
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