Learning how to liberate your voice can be a powerful practice to have more intense sexual experiences, to find your authentic sexual self and even release stuck energy lodged in the very physical tissues of the body. This is true for all bodies and genitals, women, men and everyone else.
Making sounds during sex is a very direct way to communicate with your lover what is working for you, and what is not; a kind of pre-verbal expression that doesn’t require cognitive function. These sounds come from a deeper, more primal place in our brain. In an altered state of high arousal, words may take you out of the experience, whilst sounding can bring you deeper into it.
Benefits of Making Noise During Sex
1. It can be turn on.
Authentic sex noises are a natural turn on, and can enhance your love making for you and your partner, as well as your self-pleasure practices. Inauthentic sounds are much less arousing, and most people can make the distinction.
Animal noises can be particularly erotic if they arise naturally. Be present and become aware of what you are holding back for whatever reason. This can manifest as a feeling in the throat or chest — a feeling that something wants to be let out.
Our near-cousins, the great apes, make a lot of noise in sex. Their copulation calls are a vital part of their connection and promote reproductive success. Female apes make noise during sex to essentially brag about who they are having sex with, with the more desirable male partners getting the louder responses.
2. It can help you feel more liberated.
Making sounds during sex in times of peak arousal and pleasure can help you access repressed sounds, stored emotions and even words that have been held by our nervous systems, trapped in our throats so to speak. These repressed or silenced sounds may have been shut down in some way. Perhaps you have had experiences where you felt something was inappropriate, or you were not allowed to speak, were forced to be quiet or forcibly made silent.
Anything repressed will burden us, so uncovering and liberating them is a powerful way of shifting energy in the body, something that can be quite palpable. Liberated energy feels expansive, like tingles, buzzing, pulsing in the body or something similar. It’s a clear sign you’ve moved something that was blocking you at the level of the nervous system.
3. It can help us open up our pelvic floor.
Doulas and midwives will tell you there is a direct connection between the pelvic floor and the throat; that when the mouth and jaw is tight, the birth canal cannot open, the cervix may stall and the muscle cannot release. In a similar way, making sound during sexual practices allows more blood flow to the genitals, helps the pelvic floor to relax and brings more focus on sensation, and the sense you are expressing yourself from the level of your pelvis, rather than your cognitive mind. Deep noises from the throat are particularly effective.
How to Make More Noise During Sex
Many of us, if not most of us, have been conditioned to make little-to-no sounds during sex. This may stem from having to keep our sexual exploration private when discovering ourselves in our teen years, or just the taboo about having sex when there are people around who can hear you. This varies from cultures and situations, and is worth noting it wasn’t always the way.
Imagine if having to be quiet about our pleasures wasn’t a thing, and our pleasure was celebrated without judgement. If you find it daunting to make sounds during sex, these tips may help:
- Practice with your own self-pleasure first.
- Open up your throat with some growling or deep humming, letting your jaw be loose and wagging your tongue out. Inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth with a relaxed jaw and maybe let the tongue out.
- Start with breathiness, like a sigh on the exhale. As you get more comfortable, add some resonance (breathing outwards from your diaphragm) in your voice. Breath enhances pleasure, so this way can feel natural and intuitive.
- In partnered sex, tell your partner beforehand that you are going to try this and see how it goes. Remember, levity and laughter in sex can be a lovely thing.
- Try matching your partners’ noises in your own tone and pitch, but tell them first so they don’t feel you are making fun. This can be so hot!
- If you are worried about the noise and someone hearing who may be upset or confused, make the sounds in your throat without adding to the volume. You can actually make a full, open throated noise without volume. Practice making an imperceptible yell right now. It’s possible, yet still feels like you’ve expressed yourself as your nervous system recognises the muscles you have enlisted.
- Experiment with sounding into a pillow, the mattress, perhaps a partner’s hand over your mouth if that’s something that feels good to you. If it doesn’t feel good, that’s so ok, and now you know one of your boundaries — well done!
Tips for Making More Sound During Sex
Don’t confuse making sex with orgasm.
Women fake orgasms for so many reasons and sound making is often used for this. Other women will quiet right down if they know their partner will get too aroused and finish before they are ready, which is something for your partner to also work on ( I can certainly guide him on how to last longer in my men’s coaching packages)
By sounding, I am talking about sounding what is going on for you, naturally, not thinking about what your partner wants to hear. So, no, I’m not talking about the noises you may hear in porn. It’s as if your genitals have a voice, which they do — they just need to borrow your vocal cords and mouth to express it.
The sounds may not always be pretty.
It’s important to point out that natural, authentic sounds are not just pretty sounds. Peak pleasure can bring mad noises out; gagging, spitting, screeching, hissing with sensations of disgust, repulsion, shame, anger, frustration and release.
This is a powerful way of releasing trauma during pleasure (so good for the nervous system) that doesn’t need the thinking-brain to be involved. Things can be shifted without your clear insight into what they are, and oftentimes, you don’t need to know what the crazy noise was all about.
Likewise, cackling laughter, uncontrollable giggles and nose snorting are authentic sounds that come out in sex too. Go with it, feel into it and notice how they make you feel, during and after.
You may not be ready or feel shame or disgust.
If you find this is all beyond you right now, or it brings up feelings of shame or disgust, this is one of the many aspects of sexuality that can be worked on in my coaching containers. I have a free initial conversation if you’d like to find out more about working with me, whether around sounding, empowering your authentic sexual nature, enhancing your pleasure potential, understanding your partner’s sexual response, being a confident and amazing lover, learning how to connect emotionally with your partner, or anything you need guidance with towards thriving in your sex, love and relationships.